haiz...feeling upset today...ok...da very last depressing post i m gonna hav here...i m NOT gonna shed tears or get mad wif ppl like all of u...it juz spoils my image...[do i even hav 1?]

nco camp 2005....quite fun...but i like kena bullied?ok...nvm...

i m sry 4 walking out again today...i noe every1's looking 4ward 2 lunch...sry if i spoiled it...but anyway,i m sure all of u wun miss me...after all...i m juz a troublesome,talkative,big-mouth,gossipy,unwanted seamonster in all ur eyes

i tried 2 tolerate liao...seriously i did...but it was too much 4 me 2 bear...i heard some1 said 'sensitive' i m...but u think la....if u hav ppl saying 'shhh' 'shut up' 'diam' 'yaya...wadever' whenever u speak,how wud u feel?

i had some company...but i realize i m juz like a substitute...when i m da onli person there u all will tok 2 me nicely....but if there r others....u all juz walk w/o waiting 4 me...u all dun bother waiting...nvm....u all dun even look back 2 see if i m there....i guess i m forgotten

hypocrites...wc asked us do things....u say dun care....wait till cis ask us do during debrief....end up all kena scolded....den we juz rest some other time u wan do other things can ask us dun rest head on table etc....fine...i wanted 2 say u de...but 4get it...i dun wanna coz unhappiness

play game....die die wan me b 'zhuang' y?coz our bid is a smack on da hand....all tried changing ur cards 2 win?y?so can whack me rite?den when i win all say i cheat....so onli i will kena whack rite...fine....i juz play....but u all whack so hard tt my hands went all red n my nail even broke....do any of u care?juz wanna whack more n take pic....take pic of my 'humiliation....fine....wif frenz like tis i dunno wad 2 say

k..those were not y i m sad....wads da reason?

u all say i big-mouth n gossip queen....think abt urself....million time worse den me....i repeat...MILLION!think u cool or wad izzit?u juz a idiot who needs company....no company come find me...got company critisize me....fine...

ever tot y i become so called 'gossiper'? in da past i told some of u i feel left out....u all say is coz i dun try 2 fit in...ask me try 2 join in conver....fine...i do juz tt....n tis is wad i get?wth!!!!!n y m i always da 1?????????guys....u all help ml,cel,jaime.....den all like insult me....y??????wad did i ever do 2 deserve tt?n gals....juz coz da guys help u,u all turn tables against me.....k lor...i juz hav 2 accept tt i hav frenz like tis.

how many times i tried joining u all n u all ignored me???hav u all realized after u all run off i tried following even though i m sick n not supposed 2 run?i was panting....like an asthma coming up...but i did not say anything but juz use my inhaler

mayb our squad is juz hopeless...i really dun wan our squad always getting scolded....giv u all reminder of wad we supposed 2 do n all ask me shut up or ignored me....its not da 1st time...

once i ask u all sth u all ignore me...fine ....is ci ask me do de....so i juz told them dunno...den hy say i kena outcasted izzit?i told her no....i believe u all wud not do tt 2 me...but looking bac...i think shes rite....

like wad kris has on her blog...'i know friendship cant be forced..
i'm not asking to be everyone's best friend..''

but is wad we hav even frenship?i doubt so...

anyway....sry 2 anthony 4 asking u 2 help me do stuff...sry 2 qazim if i m gossip queen....sry 2 ml if today was da '1st' time i kept quiet...sry 2 all of u 4 having 2 listen 2 me speak...dun worry....i promised i wun ever speak 2 any of u again....dun blame me 4 it...since u all cant stand me talkong i guess its da onli way....actually i noe u all cant stand me speaking....rmb cc?everytime i said something all say 'kk...yaya....we noe' when things go wrong....its coz i nvr tell u all...juz like water parade n publicity...

i m done wif np....wad has it taught me?not endurance,teamwork n 1 4 all all 4 1....i think its all crap...wad it taught me is u can onli depend on urself...n theres no nid 2 communicate...best if u keep ur mouth shut...n if anything goes wrong...best 2 shoulder it urself...

benny....i not angry wif u....theres no nid 4 u 2 say sry...i dun blame u....i onli blame myself....coz i m born liddat....born 2 b unwanted n hated...its my life...i hav 2 live wif it

i guess when i left jaime must b thinking'not again....always liddat...storming off wif a minor matter...' i onli got 1 think 2 say....stand in my shoes....try having every1 treating u da way they treat me....try having ur frenz helping others instead of standing by u.if u can do tt i got nth 2 say

i dun hate my squad...in fact...i luv u guys....but mayb i juz dun belong here...it was a mistake rite frm da beginning....i m sry i m born n here disturbing u guys n spoiling ur fun....i dun mind if neither of u ever speak 2 me again...i dun care anymore...mayb i m 2 lead a loner's life...depending on myself n no 1 else...

o ya...i dun think any1 will read thru such a long entry....but in case got ppl reading...i m sry 4 blabbering all tis crap....but it juz how i feel